


Knowing Better

by ledez_dreams



Series: Slowly Towards [5]
Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-15 10:25:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17527007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ledez_dreams/pseuds/ledez_dreams
Summary: It's good news, isn't it?





	Knowing Better

As Mal heads to the bridge, the glimpse of his second in command in the infirmary with the doctor, doors closed, gives him pause. After a moment, Mal slows, backtracks until he can see in without being too obvious about it. Zoe is in there, sitting on top of the stretcher. Not being examined, just sitting casually with her feet dangling down the side. The doctor's back is to the window, impossible to see his face. Mal can't read Zoe's expression though, it's nothing he's seen before. This is the observation that makes his gut knot up and he comes a little closer still. Hearing what's being said is impossible, but it doesn't stop him from looking in.

________

"Are you _sure_ , Doctor?" Voice tight with tension.

"Yes Zoe, I'm sure. The test was 100% positive." Simon replies, still patiently. He's answered this question three times now. She shakes her head, a slow movement side to side.

"I feel a little foolish for not realizing sooner. It was just so..." _Finally, it's sinking in,_ Simon thinks.

"It's been awful." He finishes for her. "Your mind has been elsewhere. There were so many other reasons for you to be having symptoms like that, under the circumstances. But it's true. You're pregnant." She blinks furiously, as though to will tears away. He turns away and busies himself with some of his instruments, closing the tablet that read out the last results, confirming what she'd come in here to learn only a few hours ago. He wants to give her some time to process in private. When he finishes his brief tidy and she still hasn't spoken, Simon turns around. He must ask.

"It's not entirely unwelcome news, is it, Zoe?" Simon ventures, tentative. No immediate reply. Her head stays bowed. After a moment he continues on, keeping his tone gentle, clinical. "Because if it is... well. If this isn't something you want, there's always the option of-"

"No." Zoe interrupts sharply, looking up now. Then a bit quieter, "No, doctor. I appreciate you saying' so, truly, but no."

"Okay," Simon nods, staying carefully neutral. "I just wanted to make sure you knew all your options. And those options don't change either, not for a few months."

Zoe sighs shakily. "You know, Wash and I'd talked about kids. I wanted them, he wasn't sure, he always wanted to put it off into the future. "But we aren't getting any younger," I always said, and I think he was starting to warm to the idea a bit."

Simon nods again. Makes sense, they were married of course. A natural conversation to have, despite the ever uncertainty of their circumstances on _Serenity_.

"I did want kids," She continues. "I _do_. But I never thought... I just didn't think I'd be doing it alone."

Simon wishes Kaylee were here. _What would Kaylee say?_  He wonders. He lets that guide his next words to Zoe, feeling they are important.

"I know it's not the same as, well, as if Wash were here. But you aren't exactly alone." He lays a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. She glances up at him and he risks a small smile. "Kaylee is going to be through the roof when she hears." Zoe barks a laugh, a small bit of tension seeming to melt away.

"She will won't she?" Zoe replied fondly. "That's a kindness, Simon, thank you." 

Simon continues on, a little more businesslike. "I also think you should see a specialist when we get to the next planet, who has some of the right equipment that I just don't have here. Whatever you decide you want, you need to take care of yourself. And I don't know if you've been-" 

"We have an audience," Zoe interrupts him mildly, gesturing with her eyes. Simon follows her gaze and sees the Captain outside the infirmary. Realizing he's been caught, Mal jumps a bit in surprise. Narrowing his eyes a bit, he straightens up and moves away from the glass and out of sight.

"How am I ever going to tell the Captain?" Zoe wonders with a sigh, pinching her nose.

"You'll find a way." Simon says with assurance in his voice.  "And he won't hear it from me before either, you have my word on that." 

"Thank you, Simon." 

"You'll need to think about sooner rather than later though," Simon continues. "I don't know how much longer you'll want to be going on jobs. At least beyond the next few months."

Zoe nods reluctantly. "I'll tell him soon. Don't know if he'll be happy about it though." 

"Well he'll come around. He doesn't have a choice." Simon is firm. The Captain _will_ understand, Simon thinks. _Eventually_. He just hopes for Zoe's sake he doesn't make a stink about it before he comes to that understanding, he can see the thought of telling the Captain is weighing on her mind.  But there's no use worrying about that this second. 

He softens his tone a little and smiles widely. "I for one think this is _good_ news, Zoe. And I get to be the first to congratulate you." 

___

To his credit, Mal didn't ask that night. He didn't even ask during the two days that followed.

Tonight though. It's late, and Mal's scouted out Simon in the kitchen, washing up with Kaylee after supper.

"Kaylee, Doc and I need the room." Mal says mildly.

Kaylee bites her lip and looks between the two men. Simon winces inwardly. He knows what this is about. It's his fault even, in a way.

It was a reflex, the glance he'd given Zoe that afternoon. They'd been planning a job. To be more precise, Mal and Zoe were planning a job. Straightforward though it was, there was maybe cause for guns, carried by Mal and Jayne. And Zoe.

Simon couldn't help but look up at that, eyes snapping to Zoe. She'd met his gaze head on, expressionless. Simon looked away. It was an instant, almost done without conscious thought. Unfair really, a doctor shouldn't have to hide concern for a patient. But Mal hadn't missed the exchange. When Simon managed to raise his eyes again, he saw cool, assessing eyes staring back at him. After a moment, Mal broke away from Simon and continued to outline the plan for the next few days to the group.

Now it's tonight.

Kaylee, sensing something amiss doesn't want to disobey the Captain she trusts, the Captain she loves, but also doesn't quite want to leave.

"It's okay," Simon smiles reassuringly. "l'll meet you in our bunk later." She grins back and kisses his cheek before leaving Mal and Simon alone.

He busies himself with drying the few dishes left in the sink, waiting for Mal to speak. Finally, he does.

"So what was that chat with you and Zoe about the other day?" 

"What did Zoe say about it when you asked her?" Simon asks, striving to sound casual. He's been expecting this conversation. This afternoon's mistake aside, the confrontation's actually taken longer to come than Simon would have wagered. He's rather surprised he wasn't bombarded days ago. 

"Right now, I'm askin' you." Mal replies in a reasonable tone.

"But you _did_ ask her, did you not? And I'm guessing she wasn't all that forthcoming." Simon answers back. Mal snorts.

"No," Mal agrees. "She wasn't. Needed some time to think it all over first, she said."

Mal holds up his hand in protest as Simon opens his mouth to respond, hastily adding. "Which, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with _per say_. What I _do_  have a problem with is that I need to know if it's something I need to be worrying about."

Simon pauses a moment before saying. "Down the road you may want to think of leaning more on Jayne for your more dangerous jobs and less on Zoe."

"Planning a job without _Zoe_?" Mal echoes flatly, astounded. Then his eyes narrow and beneath Mal's cool exterior, Simon can see the spark of fear underneath. Simon winces inwardly. He may have chosen his words wrong, an assessment confirmed when Mal adds, "Is something _wrong_ with her?"

Simon hesitates again, weighing his words more carefully this time, even though he knows his body language is signalling loud and clear to Mal that his next words will be hiding as much as they are telling.

"No, no nothing like that. It's truly nothing for you to be worried about. That's all I'll say on it, Captain. It doesn't affect the coming job, or anything like that. Like Zoe said, she'll tell you when she's ready." 

"And what did I gorram say about you enlightening me about matters that affect the crew?" Mal growls. 

Simon sighs. He knows objectively that this line of questioning is coming from a place of concern from Mal... and perhaps his pathologic need to control everything and everyone around him. He keeps this understanding in mind.

"Captain, I will not discuss any member of the crew's medical history with anyone else on this ship without their express permission." Simon answers in his best neutral, professional voice borrowed from his past life in the hospital dealing with difficult colleagues or administrators. 

"I ain't askin' for a full medical history, Doc. I just want to know what's going on so I can see how it affects the crew." 

"And you _will_. From Zoe." Simon states firmly. He's starting to feel a little exasperated with this conversation. "Unless it involves a direct threat to the other people on board, everyone on this ship is entitled to their privacy when they come see me. Including yourself if and when that time comes. That's not up for negotiation."

Mal scowls but is silent. And miraculously, the argument stops there.

Simon can see that Mal knows that Simon's right. He knows he hasn't the right to invade Zoe's privacy, even though it's only concern that's driving him to it. Unwillingly, Simon finds himself empathizing with Mal. It's hard to feel out of control when it comes to someone you care deeply for. He opens his mouth to apologize, even though he knows objectively that he has nothing to be sorry for.

The words die before they can escape his mouth as Mal lets out a string of curses under his breath and stalks off without another word to Simon. 


End file.
